A Brief History of Liberal Thought in U.S. History
* I take most of the credit for this short satirical tirade with creative additions by fellow conservative yahoo posters
1775-1783: "This war is wrong. All the Brits wanted was to keep raising taxes. Taxes are good. The more taxes the better. This war is about tea. No more blood for tea".
1861-1865: "That goddamn Republican Lincoln is a baby killer. He was AWOL during the Mexican-American war. He is a damn monkey and hasn't got the brains God gave a rock. I hope someone kills him. This war is bad for the slaves. They were better off before we got into this war. This is a war for cotton and all of Lincoln's cotton cartel buddies. No more blood for cotton".
1917-1918: "This war is just a secret plot by Wilson. He and a conglomerate of Jews orchestrated the sinking of the Lusitania just to get us into war. Everybody knows that it's true. This is all about the Ruhr Valley coal. No more blood for coal".
1941-1945: "Goddammit! Why are we at war with Germany when it was Japan that attacked us? Bastards haven't even found Tojo yet. If they can't find him, how the hell can they win a war. This war is our fault. We asked for it. The whole world hates us because we're American. The Jews are better off under Hitler. He feeds them and gives them a place to live and work. This is a war for the Jews. No more blood for Jews".
1950-1953: "What the hell are we fighting in Korea for? It's a crime against the communists. The communists are good. History will prove that the South would have been better off under communism. Hell, we'd be better off as communists. The North will thrive and become a utopia under the communists and the south's economy will never develop and the people will all starve. How the hell did Eisenhower get elected? Because he was a war hero? That doesn't mean squat. This is a war just to corner the world market on Kimchi. No more blood for kimchi".
1961-1975: "Kennedy had the right idea to start with. After all he was a WAR HERO in the navy on one of those little boats that go fast. That's what we need in the White House. That makes him a genius so he must have been right. That goddamn Nixon! He was a draft dodger just because he was a friggin' Quaker. He was AWOL even though he was never in the military. The whole war was his fault. If he had the guts to win the Presidency in 1960, none of this would have happened. The bastard lost on purpose so we would go to war to make money for Uncle Ben's Converted Rice. This is all about the rice paddies. No more blood for rice".
1991: What the hell are we doing, going to war against Iraq? Goddamn George H. Bush. Who cares if he was a war hero? That doesn't mean squat. He purposely got him self shot down over the Pacific by a Japanese Zero just so he could avoid combat. He cost us an expensive airplane. He just floated in the Pacific, the lazy bastard. That's desertion and AWOL. The Kuwaitis would be better off under Saddam anyway. He would be like a big, cuddly, bestest buddy to them. We are ruining their lives. This is a war for oil. No more blood for oil".
2003-present: fill in the blanks
1775-1783: "This war is wrong. All the Brits wanted was to keep raising taxes. Taxes are good. The more taxes the better. This war is about tea. No more blood for tea".
1861-1865: "That goddamn Republican Lincoln is a baby killer. He was AWOL during the Mexican-American war. He is a damn monkey and hasn't got the brains God gave a rock. I hope someone kills him. This war is bad for the slaves. They were better off before we got into this war. This is a war for cotton and all of Lincoln's cotton cartel buddies. No more blood for cotton".
1917-1918: "This war is just a secret plot by Wilson. He and a conglomerate of Jews orchestrated the sinking of the Lusitania just to get us into war. Everybody knows that it's true. This is all about the Ruhr Valley coal. No more blood for coal".
1941-1945: "Goddammit! Why are we at war with Germany when it was Japan that attacked us? Bastards haven't even found Tojo yet. If they can't find him, how the hell can they win a war. This war is our fault. We asked for it. The whole world hates us because we're American. The Jews are better off under Hitler. He feeds them and gives them a place to live and work. This is a war for the Jews. No more blood for Jews".
1950-1953: "What the hell are we fighting in Korea for? It's a crime against the communists. The communists are good. History will prove that the South would have been better off under communism. Hell, we'd be better off as communists. The North will thrive and become a utopia under the communists and the south's economy will never develop and the people will all starve. How the hell did Eisenhower get elected? Because he was a war hero? That doesn't mean squat. This is a war just to corner the world market on Kimchi. No more blood for kimchi".
1961-1975: "Kennedy had the right idea to start with. After all he was a WAR HERO in the navy on one of those little boats that go fast. That's what we need in the White House. That makes him a genius so he must have been right. That goddamn Nixon! He was a draft dodger just because he was a friggin' Quaker. He was AWOL even though he was never in the military. The whole war was his fault. If he had the guts to win the Presidency in 1960, none of this would have happened. The bastard lost on purpose so we would go to war to make money for Uncle Ben's Converted Rice. This is all about the rice paddies. No more blood for rice".
1991: What the hell are we doing, going to war against Iraq? Goddamn George H. Bush. Who cares if he was a war hero? That doesn't mean squat. He purposely got him self shot down over the Pacific by a Japanese Zero just so he could avoid combat. He cost us an expensive airplane. He just floated in the Pacific, the lazy bastard. That's desertion and AWOL. The Kuwaitis would be better off under Saddam anyway. He would be like a big, cuddly, bestest buddy to them. We are ruining their lives. This is a war for oil. No more blood for oil".
2003-present: fill in the blanks
posted by yugunter at 9:45 AM
3 Comments:
You raise some very interesting points in all timelines of the past wars. I especially enjoyed your 1961-1975 post about Nixon and Kennedy. Definitely some truth to that. Keep writing more blogs, I enjoy reading them.
Keep up the good work
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